By Steven

Steven is a 19-year-old computer programmer who has lived most of his life in northeastern Oklahoma. He uncovers the life of the mind, tolerance for others, and the gracious memory of honeysuckles.

The first time I smoked pot, I felt nothing peculiar or foreign. I wasn't really disappointed because I knew almost nothing of what to expect so I just thought "so what's the big deal about pot?" I tried it a second time several months afterwards and I felt a little relaxed but that was the extent of my intoxication. Several months later I tried it a third time, whoooaaa!!! I wasn't sure if I just had to warm up to it or if the stuff I had used prior to that encounter was just poor quality but what I was sure of was that this gear was indeed potent. The time on the digital clock seemed to fly by but the basic sense of time created by the environment around me (moving my arms, walking, watching the sun set, trying to cook ramen noodles [believe me no easy task], watching people talk, hearing myself talk) almost halted to a stand still.

I exhibited all the classic physical signs of intoxication: Red eyes; a serious case of the giggles (note to first time users: DO NOT watch South Park the movie if it is your first time to smoke pot, you will end up feeling like you have done 40,000 sit-ups by the time the show is over, trust me, I know from experience). But besides that, I just plain liked the way it made me feel: Relaxed; introspective; ebullient. There was a creative ease about the concomitant euphoria that I found irresistible. Music that I absolutely thought I would have no business listening to (rap, punk rock, and jazz) suddenly just made sense to me, almost as if I could tell where the artist was coming from. I lost all my stereotypes, all my judgmental attitudes toward certain minorities and individuals. It truly was an awakening. I had a new appreciation and respect for things that I once irrationally dismissed as "beneath" me.

Memories seemed to force themselves upon me, very vivid but very gentle. I started to remember things in my childhood that made me truly happy and joyful. Things I had either forgotten or just simply didn't give the time of day to. I remembered raising my hands up as a signal for my mother that I wanted to be carried and the utter joy I felt when she would reach down and pull me up to her chest. I realized how much she really did, in fact, love me when I remembered how I longed for her goodnight kisses, of which never ran dry. I remembered the very simple joys of my very simple existence and marijuana helped me relive them all over again. Playing cowboys and Indians with my cousins at our grandpa's, walking with my grandpa through the pastures behind his house where he would stop and reach up into a persimmon tree to pick one of the luscious fruit for me to indulge myself on, how my sister, my brother, and I would spend hours at the honey suckle bushes extracting that oh-so-prized drop of nectar that we couldn't seem to get enough of while avoiding the "mean" bumble bees.

The list goes on and on but the point is, this plant made me realize that there is something to live for; the day to day simple pleasures of life that our society has ignored, neglected, trampled under its feet, raped and basically destroyed. It made me realize that life isn't all about being numero uno, acceptable to the majority's point of view, being the sexiest, smartest, richest or what have you. Now, sometimes I just sit there and open and close my fingers and think, "Isn't that amazing? My fingers are moving just because my brain is telling them to." Some people may think, "Man! He's just been smokin' way too much pot!", but they're probably just envious of the fact that I can genuinely and honestly appreciate the intricacies of life. I never thought I would genuinely and honestly ever find solace in anything but when it happened, believe me, I almost cried.

Cannabis has had a profound impact on my life to the point where I no longer walk down the street and see a guy with a green Mohawk and think to myself, "****ing punk, I bet he don't even have a job," or see a man sitting on the curb with a cup full of change sitting in front of him and think "get a job, you dirty, worthless bastard." Yeah, I know it sounds bad, and that is why I am so glad to be rid of that mentality. It motivated me to learn more about how I can help people that want to be helped and how to live in peace and total acceptance of those that don't. It motivated me to study philosophy, algebra, chemistry, and history on my OWN time. And as I stated before, the list goes on and on. But most of all, take it or leave it, it serves as a means of enlightenment. I am much more open-minded and unbiased. And I'm not going to deny it, getting high makes me feel good, and isn't that what life is all about?